Marriage Course Again

After missing a week or two we are back doing the marriage course again now, moving through issues such as conflict resolution and forgiveness. It's actually proving to be both far more useful than we had thought when we started it, but also much more stretching. This week we move onto consider the exciting topic, "parents and in-laws". The homework starts the following day when my in-laws arrive from N.Ireland for a few days.

Progress

Little Doris has now extended her record, up to eight consecutive steps. She's going to try and beat her personal best again tomorrow!

Once Again

The Possibilities are Almost Endless.......

The spreadshirt website is most entertaining. It allows you to design your own T-shirts online, they print them and you get them in the post a couple of days later.

The satrical possibilities seem almost limitless. I'm trying to think of suitable slogan's for all my freinds.

Click here to see more

Winter

Winter has arrived in Scotland. The only warm place is right by the fire.

Glasgow

I had a great day out in Glasgow today, although getting there through the traffic seemed to take for hours. I met the artist formerly known as 'podge-alot', a leading member of lengendary Solihull five at Central station. It was great to have a few hours free with an old friend, and as neither of us had brought our kids we actually spoke to each other!

His father-in-law, (a full-time raconteur and part-time arhcitect) had recommended that we have a look at the Glasgow lighthouse a striking redevelopment of an old building with various exhibition spaces within it. Some of the exhibitions were just odd (either I have the conceptual-art part of my brain missing or the emperor has no clothes. I suspect the latter), others quite interesting, especially some of the architectural history stuff, as well as the obligatory cafe and gift shop. The best bit of it (that was almost worth the entry fee by itself) was the tower and viewing platform at the top, with huge views accross the city. Excellent stuff.

We'd been highly recommended to try a Mongolian restaurant in the merchant city, which was shut when we got there, so we settled for a pizza and chatted through the afternoon as the heavy rain lashed George square outside. We had originally planned to go hillwalking today, probably on Beinn Chabhair at Crianlarich. It's a good job we didn't, hundreds of roads in the hills we closed this afternoon due to flooding an high winds and the police we advising people not to travel!

Starbucks coffee is vile. Remind me never to try it again - even if they conveniently have an outlet in Borders books.

Quote of the Day

"Are you going to come quietly.
or will I have to use earplugs?"

-Spike Milligan

One Giant Leap for Doris

Little Doris has taken her first, albeit faltering, step. It wasn't elegant or graceful, and it didn't lead purposefully to a second or a third; nevertheless from such small beginnings... and it's one more than she's ever managed before!

WWJD? WWJB?

I don't think George Bush has bought one of these yet.....

http://peacenik.ekklesia.co.uk/

View

Another foggy and grim-looking start to the week! The only nice thing about this photo is that it's the first one I've taken with my new phone. I got upgraded at the weekend - and this one not only has a reasonable camera in it, but also connects to the PC - enabling me to share the gloom with you.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Boris, 7 today!

Worst Christian Song Lyrics?

It's a generally attested fact that the rise of modern worship songs in churches has meant that Christians have ended up singing some really ropey lyrics. From sentimental schmaltz to heinous heresy - we've got 'em all! However, there are a few which I have sung recently which seem to be in a class of their own. In listing these turkey's I also offer you, gentle reader, the opportunity to post your nightmare lyric to see if we can find the very worst Christian lyric of all.

For starters there is the perennial favourite, "Jesus, we celebrate your victory". The offending lyric is "and in his presence our problems dissappear". This lyric is appalling because it means, if you got problems, guess what? you're not in the presence of God! If you have enjoyed something of God's presence, His guidance, His touch, His love - then it's all just a delusion, a self-induced pseudo-spiritual facade; if your problems remain. This is unbiblical hogwash of the first order; justifiably usually parodied as "and in his presence, our theology dissappears".

Next up we have the otherwise well-written "Shine Jesus Shine" a good song marred by its rather poor central lyric/title which seem to imply that the glory of God is mostly about how shiny He is. Now there is no doubt that God in His glory is absolutely dazzling to human eyes. However the glory of God is much more about his sheer significance than his mere luminosity. The 'mountains melt before Him' because of His absolute importance, or 'weight' and overwhelming presence - rather than his shiny-ness. It's not a disaster, but it misses the point and to outsiders sounds trite.

Finally we have a recent favourite lyrical disaster zone from Australia, where the song, "the power of your love" tells us that "the weaknesses I see in me, will be stripped away, by the power of your love". In 2Corinthians, the great apostle Paul, (weak, poor, harrased, blind, with thorn-in-flesh) wrote that our weaknesses are God-given. There is no indication in scripture that our inherent weaknesses will be stripped away at all - rather that they will be used to glorify God. The Bible often says that God gives His people strength, but that is completely different because the strength of God comes through reliance on Him and enables us to accomplish more that would be possible in and of ourselves; however we remain reliant because our weaknesses remain. Wasn't Jesus 'weak'? Didn't he sleep, cry, desire food, struggle to do God's will!? If we are in the business of being transformed into the image of Jesus, then we may achieve great things, but not necessary diminution of our weaknesses. Perhaps Adam in the garden wanted to eat the apple because he was fed-up being weak, being finite, being dependent and wanted to be like God in a wrong way. I hear this attitude reflected in the song that suggests that God is making us less weak. If only the author had written that God was at war with our "sins" rather than our "weaknesses" then I'd sing the line gratefully, joyfully and with expectation, because there is no doubt that God is at war with these! -

"Our weaknesses stripped away?" Give me strength!

Word of the Day: "Dupuytren's"

I have just discovered that I may have "Viking Ancestry"! Today my old Dad has been to hospital to have an operation to correct Duputren's Contracture on his hands. Duputren's is apparently a thickening of tissue in the fascia on the hands which causes the fingers to be pulled in towards the palm. It is a genetically inherited problem and is treated by severing the thickenings, loosening the fingers. I have it on good authority (no, OK I read it on the internet!) that Duputren's is strongly associated with the Scandanavian gene pool and came to the British Isles courtesy of the Vikings.

As there is every chance I will develop Duputren's in later life - I'm off to buy the Viking helmet in preparation now.

Doris' New Trick

In the last two days, little Doris has managed a new trick; "the unaided stand"! Walking will not be far behind we suspect.

1000 Miles, and a very sick lady

Boris, Norris, Doris and I are just back from an almost-thousand-mile drive to London and back to visit my Grandma who is very ill in hospital down there. Three young children on my own for two full days of driving is no mean feat, and my complete repertoire of children's word-games, number-games, songs and jokes is now completely bankrupt.

Now back home, I am feeling tired and achy - but most of all just rather sad at the decline in my Grandma, which has been dramatic in the fortnight since we were last down. She has been one of the most important 'fixed points' in my universe ever since I was born, full of life, love, interest, laughter and conversation. It's quite distressing to see her so beleagured in the hospital, and not be able to do anything to help. From 500miles away, all we can do is to pray that she, along with family and friends might know God's peace.

Another View

For those who are interested in such things (there are some, I know!) this picture captures the seasonal rail treatment train which stops trains getting cancelled due to 'leaves on the line.' For those who think such things dull, comfort yourself with the thought that the surrounding view (of little more than mist) was somewhat worse.

Ponkled!

Today, Norris has created a new word which threatens to enter the family vocabulary: "Ponckled". Apparently it means, damaged, broken, ruined and with bits falling off it.

It can be used like this: "Oh no! My train set is completely ponkled!

Or like this: "She's ponkled my train set".

Or like this even: "stop her, she's ponkling my train set".

The View

Marriage Course II

Well, two weeks into the marriage course, things are progressing well. The course remains interesting, useful, challenging and informative. The suggestion made by Lord P of Mearns that it might just be a sustained excercise in 'SBO'* is not-sustained M'lud! There have obviously been several things we have considered before, but enough things that we haven't looked at - or things we've thought about but never put into practice; to make it all worth while.

One of the best things so far has been the suggestion that we regularly make time for each other, something we have neglected recently with all the demands of our huge number of children. So, last night we went out to the Nurjihan for a curry, and spent a great evening blethering and feeding. We have often talked about the value of making time like this - the marriage course is helping us actually put some of these things into practice.

This week's subject was, "the art of communication", next week moves on to "conflict resolution".

*stating the bleedin' obvious

Now this is good!

This week we took Boris, Norris and Doris to the Science Museum in London. Not only is the museum brilliant, but most of it is free too! Its 7 huge floors are packed with inventions past and present, planes, trains, engines, ships, rockets, and the like - as well as all manner of interactive exhibits about things as diverse as the human senses and electricty generation.

The basement was always my favourite part as a child, as all the exhibits there are interactive. These days it is called the "launch-pad" and Boris and Norris could have spent a week there, pushing buttons, twiddling knobs, pulling handles etc etc. These manipulate a bewildering array of things such as archemedes (sp?) screws, hydo-electric generators, bubble-makers, railtracks, plasma-balls, the list is endless. The 3D cinema was fun and even little Doris (17 months) had a good go with the groovy 3D glasses required, where we watched film about African wildlife.

Time ran out and we had to head back out of London, realising that we had only managed to see a fraction of the whole thing. I didn't get to see the Brunel exhibition, and the wife didn't get to the history of medicine gallery. The kids are desperate to go back sometime, and considering that its free - I think we might manage it next time we're in London.

The only thing missing was the old van der Graff generator to make your hair stand on end. Probably another victim of the health and safety executive!

Nostalgia, now "New and Improved"

The wife and I took Boris, Norris and Doris to the "Great Cockrow Railway" this week - a place where I was frequently taken (and I loved) as a child. Unlike many other favourite childhood places which you remember being good but are in fact rubbish, or others which used to be good but have been turned into garish theme-parks; the GCR is probably better than it was when I was a kid.

Boris and Norris loved it anyway, while the wife and little Doris waved at us as we went past behind a little steam engine.

They've certainly extended the railway a lot over the years, and the rides have not just got longer but more interesting too. The new long hilly extension makes the little engines work hard, throwing clouds of smoke and steam up over the heads of the passengers. The tunnels are as long dark, dank and smoky as I remember them.

What's nice is that they've kept the quaint, whimsical atmosphere of the place which is still run by enthusiasts so their big extensions have not been at the expense of turning the place into a giant retail park. Even better Boris and Norris seemed as pleased with it all as I was.

Started

The Mrs and I finally started the Marriage Course last night. The introductory session was more searching, and thought-provoking than I had anticipated. There's a bit of 'homework' to do next, involving getting diaries and planning how to spend more time together - one of the main aims of the first week. I'm looking forward to reading back over some of the stuff we thought about in the first session with the Mrs and to the next session.

In terms of going on to run the course I can see two possible difficulties. The first is that the sheer volume of material is very hard to get through in the timings that they suggest, meaning that our first session went on too long. That's OK for a one-off but isn't sustainable for 8 weeks. However, they suggest that the evening needs to start at 7pm, which is too early if you've got kids! The other thing we felt was that the material possibly plunges too quickly into opening up areas of potential conflict without first giving sufficient opportunities in discussion for the couples to appreciate each other's strengths. We'd want to adjust that slightly when running the course ourselves, we think.

The other good thing was that the video sessions weren't cheesy (as we had feared they would be). We'd seen a few clips from the Marriage preparation course and found a few toe-curling moments. Session one of the Marriage Course however seemed to be free of these - which is good. The consensus however was that the camera close-ups of the male presenter's face while his wife was speaking, make him look rather suspicious.

Fog

Hero of the Day

Today's hero is Will Chase, the founder and owner of Tyrells Potato Chips! He discovered that Tesco was stocking his products via a wholesaler, and contacted them immediately to demand their withdrawal. His reason? He wanted to maintain the "integrity of his product"!

The reason that Mr Chase is today's hero is not merely that I am a disgruntled former employee of Tesco's and like to see someone telling them where to go! No, it's more than that. When I worked for them, I had to deal with suppliers on their behalf and I know how they misuse their power in the market place to exploit suppliers up the supply chain right the way through to our beleagured farmers. I know how they publicly decry sweat shops, but cannot trace the sub-sub-sub contractors who actually make their clothes on the Indian sub-continent at sub-value prices. It also infuriates me that where I live Tesco are the only viable shopping option.

So here's a round of applause for Will Chase, the acceptable face of capitalism!

The Pope Must Die?

So the Pope has caused a stink by quoting a medieval source who linked Islam with violence, a view which he has subsequently said he does not share. Having read the Pope's speech online, it seems clear that he was wanting to discuss the relationship between faith and violence, in order to repudiate violence. His choice of examples, such as that now notorious quote, has turned out to be most unfortunate. Had a similar quote appeared in his same sentence disavowing the medieval crusades, then perhaps the legitimate point he was trying to make would have been heard above the melee. Who are the Pope's PR team?

Islamic extremists have now called for the Pope to be killed in the name of their faith, for his remarks. Apparently they don't see the hypocrisy in saying, "if you say we are violent - we'll kill you". Why don't they either agree with the Pope that violence is a part of their faith, or disagree with him by dialogue and peaceful protest? Fortunately calmer Muslim voices are also being heard who have listened to the Pope's apology and clarifications, and who have the integrity to see that a violent reaction to the accusation of violence, doesn't look merely hypocritical but like collective hysteria, which discredits them.

It has long been recognised that the Bush-Blair foreign policy agenda has been the recruiting sargent for many a terrorist group, especially in regard to the Iraq war (against which millions of us protested) .What is not often heard is the reverse, that violent hysterical reactions such as we have seen in the last few days, are the best voting drive available to hawkish neo-conservative Republicans. Fear is the only thing that will make Western voters tolerate the immorality, and illegality, of the so-called 'pre-emptive war'.

In the Muslim world one of the great symbols of evil is the American president and his vast squadrons of bombers. In the West one of the great symbols of evil is the suicide bomber, and his masters. If one is critical of both these things, then the extent to which they feed off one another by driving moderate opponents into extremist positions, becomes apparent.

"God alone knows how we will survive"

Divided By A Common Tongue

You’d assume that if the customer, the builders merchant, and the builder all spoke English communication would be straightforward. Not the case, if the customer is English, the builders merchant Scottish and the builder Northern Irish. Take the following for an example. Around the edge of our roof there is a metal duct that carries rainwater off the roof and towards the drain, which needed to be replaced. To the customer (me, English) these are “gutters” (pronounced ghu-ttars), to the builders merchant (Scottish) they are “rhones” (pronounced r-r-roans) but to our builder (Northern Irish) its “spouting” (pronounced spoit’n) you’re after! Its something of a triumph of international relations that the stuff was bought and fixed successfully at all.

Our family consists of an English husband, a N. Irish wife and their three Scottish children (Boris, Norris and Doris, no less). There’s every possibility that none of us have ever correctly understood anything said to us at home.

There View From Where I'm Standing

As I walked up to the usual place to take my Monday photo, there was a pleasant chill in the air, the first hints of Winter. Thathideousman and the wife disagree as to whether this is a good thng or not. Personally I love cold crisp winter days when the cold air bites the back of your throat, everything smells fresh and clean and your breath hangs around you in clouds when you exhale (it must be fantastic up the mountains today). The wife, on the other hand, is of the 'pack the hot-water-bottle when going to the Sahara' persuasion, whose extremities feel like some ghastly cryogenic experiment, even in midsummer. Needless to say the onset of Winter is something she greets with less enthusiasm than me.

Today's Verse

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.

1 Corinthians 2:3

Today we pray to the God of all comfort for those who suffer pain, loss, injustice and for whom this world is a cruel, cruel place.

Re-Reading Hebews 2:3

"how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? "

Hebrews 2:3

I had the privilege of speaking yesterday at the Open Door Fellowship at the Nazarene church in Perth, on Hebrews 2:3. I am amused to see that on their website the event is advertised as "A lunch club for the over 50s - Enjoy delicious food followed by an inspirational speaker." Well, at least the food matched the billing.

I had always assumed that salvation was described as "great" in Hebrews 2:3 because of the depth of sin to which we have sunk and the heights of glory to which Christ lifts us. That is to say that I had thought that the 'greatness' referred to was firstly about the scale of what it does to us.

Now this is a fine observation in itself, and indeed salvation is 'great' in this way. However, having studied Hebrews 1&2 this week I have realised that this isn't the first 'greatness' that the author is directing our attention to. Rather chapter one of Hebrews is a celebration of the greatness of Christ the Saviour Himself: His unique relationship to the Father (4), His deity (3,8), His achievement (3b), His coronation (9), His right to be worshipped (6), and His superiority to the angels (7).

The greatness extoled in Hebrews 1 is the greatness of Jesus Himself! The begining of chapter 2 deals with our response to this greatness, with two warnings. Firstly, don't drift away from this great Saviour (1), then secondly don't ignore this great Saviour(3). For when the LORD himself has offered Himself for our salvation, what possible other escape can there be?

Quote of the Day

"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad ."
-Peter Kay

Monday Haze

Carn Dearg and Sgor Gaibhre

Victor Meldrew and I enjoyed another stupendous day in the hills yesterday, climbing Carn Dearg and Sgor Gaibhre out on Rannoch Moor. The weather forecast had been good, and I set off with high hopes and no waterproof trousers. As we set off northwestwards up the track accross the moor, the rain started and the mist blew around us and the temperature dropped. Most worryingly the wind swung round to the NE, where the bad weather that day was supposed to be.

Nevertheless, we followed the tracks up to the foot of Carn Dearg and then waded through heather and bracken up onto its grassy ridge. The long ridge to the summit is a lovely walk, gently rising from 750 to 950m, past a series of lochans. As we pulled up the final climb to the summit, fog came crawling round its shoulders and engulfed us in it wet embrace. Victor bemoaned the disappearing views, but cheered himself up by saying, "at least I've got my waterproof trousers if it gets really bad".

Once on the summit, new cultural depths were plummed by my esteemed colleague. It seems that Carn Dearg was his 100th Munro and that a celebration was due. I was handed his camera and asked to wait, he posed at the summit, with a half bottle of champagne spewing merrily around the cairn. "Don't take the photo yet" he said. OK - I thought, not entirely sure why. Then in freezing wind, rain and fog, he took off his coat, his shirt and his T-shirt in order to pose with his bottle of bubbly whilst displaying his repugnant naked torso. He's clearly not a well man.

As we sat for some lunch in the little stone shelter by the summit, the clouds suddenly cleared and wonderful views opened up all around us. 50ft of visibility turned into unrestricted views in every direction - in a a matter of minutes. First Glen Coe appeared, the the Mamores, and Grey Corries. Even Ben Nevis was cloud free! Then the Black Mount, Bridge of Orchy hills and the Lawers Group appeared, followed by the steep cone of Schiehallion. The cliffs of Creag Meagaidh were visibile, and Glen Etive's hills and Criese' ski-tows could be spotted. Way to the south Cruachan's distinctive crag came into view while to its west, mighty Ben Lui graced us with a glimpse. Ben Alder wore its clouds like a hat, long after the other hills had felt the sun on their summits, but even this great, shy, remote mountain eventually felt the sunshine on its cairn. A packed lunch has rarely tasted so good, as we sat on the top and watched a long goods train snaking its way Northwards accross the moor.

Cursory greetings were exchanged with a gruff Yorkshireman on his way to Culra bothy, to while away the night chatting to its legendary spooky occupant! We turned Eastwards accross the wide saddle that links the two mountains, over Sgor Gaibhre and back Southwards to the car, a mile or so from Rannoch station. As we descended, the million-puddled bogs of Rannoch Moor sparkled like a vast sequined blanket laid out before us, shimming in the dipping evening sunlight.

Along with the great views it was also good to see birds of prey, red squirrels, ptarmigan, brilliant dragon flies, and countless frogs. As we climbed up to Sgor Gaibhre a large herd of red deer came running up the glen from the south, over the hill and dissappeared down towards Loch Ossian.

The hills of Rannoch Moor may not be the most absorbing mountains, in and of themselves. They lack great cliffs or crags of Glen Coe, and don't have the majesty of a Ben Lui or the symmetry of Schiehallion. However, they present a nice challenge, 25k+ of walking and some good climbs. They present lots of wildlife and, out in the middle of Rannoch Moor, just enough of a hint of wilderness to make it a really special day out.

Victor's contribution to the wildlife and wilderness theme was to have a particularly flatulent day - depressingly winning 8-4 by the end of the walk. His performance in this regard has only been bettered in my experience by Lord Provan of Mearns who is a legend in the field.

I got back home for just after 7pm - in time to put the kids to bed. But I'm itching to get back to the hills again before winter sets in.

DIY not IV

Before you panic, phone my Mum or refer me for rehab, please note the following. The above picture, taken here this morning, does not indicate that I have taken up IV drug abuse. Rather, it shows that I have found a patch of woodworm in our attic and the advice I've been given is to inject the treatment into the holes in the wood to stop it spreading. The offending stubstance in the syringe is nothing illegal, just V3V complete wood cure, for wet rot, dry rot and woodworm infestation. It doesn't smell too bad either......

Monday Photo

Minor Proceedure: Major Stress (for the parents)

Young Norris' is back from surgery, having had grommetts inserted into both ears and all the "glue" that prevented him from hearing, sucked out. At the last minute the removal of his adenoids was cancelled, on the grounds that his last head cold had cleared OK, and that they probably weren't blocking the eustachian tube (please amend spelling if required).

The surgeon gave us three options, (i) do nothing and hope its OK, (ii) just do grommetts and not adenoidectomy (iii) do both grommett insertion and adenoidectomy. He said it was a matter of personal choice not medical science because, which you will have recommended, depends on which doctor you speak to. So the decision lands with the parents.

Fortunately the wife is a doctor herself and was able to enable us to make an informed choice. She recommended option two, to which I readily agreed. In fact she was proved to be absolutely right as (a) there was a lot of "glue" still in the ear, which would only have got worse as the winter cold season set in and (b) examination while under general anaesthetic showed that the adenoids are now not swollen too badly.

The staff at Ninewells Hospital at the children's suregery department were absolutely brilliant, and prepared and helped young Norris through every step of the proceedure. They were so good that he wan't remotely stressed or bothered about the whole thing. Unlike myself of course! I will never forget the wee-man's face as the anaesthetic reached his brain, a twitch of surprised recognition that something was afoot, and then his eyes closed and his head rolled.

I'll get over it eventually!

To Op or Not To Op? That Is The Question

We won't know until tomorrow if Norris will be having surgery or not. So we'll go the hospital and find out, chat to the consultant and make a decision. The choice is not clear cut, with significant benefits and risks associated with either option.

Monday Returns

Mug

The wife has a new mug. Nice!

Book Note: The Hobbit by JRR Tolkein

Young Boris has become intrigued by "The Hobbit". Every evening, before bed, I read him a chapter of J.R.R. Tolkein's classic children's tale, of the adventure-shy creature who ends up doing battle with a dragon!

It's by far and away the longest and most complicated story that he's been exposed to, and I am happily surprised that he's not just sticking with it, but seems to be taking it in too. There have been a few occasions where I have had to update the language and simply a few phrases as I have gone along, but that's only to be expected with a book this old.

Boris seems hugely entertained with Gandalf the wizard, the messy, noisy and boisterous dwarves, and in tonights episode the savage (and plain bad-mannered) trolls, whose attempts to enjoy roasted dwarf were thwarted when they were petrified by the rising sun. He was also taken with the tale of Smaug the dragon, whose malign conquest of the dwarves city was the cause of the whole adventure in the first place.

One of the reasons I am so delighted that he is so delighted with this, is that one of my most delightful childhood memories is of being delighted as my Dad read this story to me, and him doing so as I recall, with some delight!

Sister and Kinnoull

That Hideous Man's little sister bravely fought her way out of the smog and grime of the great city that is London, for a few days of therapetic relaxation (being beaten around the head by Boris, Norris and Doris mostly). During her stay here, we managed to wander up Kinnoull Hill and inspect the now familiar view from the summit. We're pleased to report that both view, and summit, are still intact and most pleasant indeed.

The first picture is the view NW over the river Tay, the second is Perth from the summit. It looks alright from up there!

Postponed?

Now the doctors seem to have changed their minds. They might be postponing Norris' operation after all, with a hearing review in a month or so?

If his hearing fails in the winter and all the associated bahavioural problems recur, then we'll be most unhappy if he ends up at the very end of the waiting list again. He's in his pre-school year now, when his social and academic development becomes increasinngly more important.

I wish they'd make their minds up!

Pre-Op

Number two son, aka Norris, was checked out in hospital yesterday prior to his operation next week. The report was a mixed picture; although his ears are working better than before (and his behaviour equally much improved) his adenoids are still too big. Also, with such a bad history of glue-ear alongside the adenoid problem, there is every chance that the winter will see his hearing ability once again decline significantly. So, despite passing a hearing test, he's off for surgery next Tuesday in Ninewells hospital in Dundee - the same place from which I emerged several years ago minus tonsils!

Book Notes: The Marriage Book (N&S Lee) Sex, Romance & The Glory of God (Mahaney), Lovers for Life (Wolf), The Good Marriage (Wallerstein/Blakeslee)

Having just clocked up our first decade of marriage, the church wants us to host a 'marriage course' in our home! The Marriage Course is really a set of videos to encourage couples to think seriously about how to develop their relationship, with sessions on such diverse matters as comunication, sex and in-laws! The sessions are informal and there's chat and food as well as the videos. First though we have to do some training in order to be able to run the thing successfully. Hopefully it will be up and running sometime in the New Year.

The Marriage Book, which accompanies the course is a really useful resource. I have to admit that reading it caused me a lot of serious (if not occasionaly painful) self-reflection and repentance. The difficulty with reading a book like this is to remain self-critical not become spouse-critical! It would be too easy to go through it with a pen underlining the bits I think SHE should read. That however would be to miss the point almost entirely. I've read a few books about marriage recently (10th anniversary and all that) and this is the one I have recommended to a few folks and bought for a few more. Theological, it ain't - but sensible and practical it is. If there's a fault with it, its probably that the autobiographial bits are a bit long; but this doesn't stop it being a really useful starting place to think about this wonderful, bizarre, amazing, strange, painful, joyful, perplexing, and inspiring thing called marriage.

A rather different book on marriage is this little hardback written for husbands by C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney. Unlike "The Marriage Book" this book is specifically about the place of sex in marriage, and its relationship to all other aspects. Using the biblical "Song of Solomon" as a starting point it is a celebration of God's purpose in creating sex and marriage and is full of advice and encouragement to see it flourish.

Again, it's the autobiographical stuff that gets in the way. "Those bonking Mahaney's" are at it all the time, it seems. By the end of the book you wonder how they had time (or indeed the strength) to sit down and write it, before dragging each other back to the bedroom. The 'poetry of seduction' section is the funniest and cheesiest thing I have ever read, so bad its worth buying the book for alone! Having said that, it is refreshing to see a Christian book which addresses the reality of who we are, rather than prudishly hedging issues. The Bible isn't remotely embarrased in it frank discussions of sex, certainly historically Christians have been.

This book on marriage however, is less useful. Advertised as being written by a marriage counsellor for several decades, it should have been really useful and insightful - but it dissapointed.

It's not that it wasn't helpful at all, just that her starting point in every issue seemed to be stereotypes. Men are like X, women like Y therefore........ So when her stereotype fitted us and our marriage, the ensuing wisdom was OK; but when the stereotype was misplaced the result was irrelevant advice. This becomes rather weary reading. The rather explicit sexual advice will also be a bit much for the staid reader! Personally I found it rather amusing.

An altogether much better secular book on marriage is this one by Wallerstein and Blakerslee. The authors, psycholgists by trade had done some research on divorce, analysing its causes and effects. Following that work they then then did an extensive study on long-lasting marriages, by way of comparison, examining the factors that made them survive and thrive. The results are a book which is less didactic and more analytical.

Of particular importance is their identification of nine 'tasks' or accomplishments which characterised most of the life-long marriages they studied and which were absent in the ones which broke down. These include such things as "separating successfully from family of origin" to "sharing laughter and keeping interests alive" to "making a safe place for conflict". This was the first book on marriage I ever read and the relevance of its findings actually grows with time. After 'The Marriage Book' this is probably the next best read mentioned here.

We're not going to host the Marriage Course under the illusion that we have anything to teach anyone else, simply the knowledge that the more you are prepared to work at it the better it gets. That, and the commitment to keep working at it as a lifelong excercise, because it is so completely worthwhile.

Gloomy Monday

Book Notes: As Use on the Famous Nelson Mandela by Mark Thomas

The UK is a country which, although involved in the arms trade, does so within strictly controlled limits which prevent anything we make, license, trade, advertise or broker being used by repressive regimes; right?

Wrong, dead wrong.

In this appalling book, Mark Thomas goes undercover and shows just how easy it is to become an arms trader. As soon as he gained the trust of the dealers he was able to set up deals between UK companies and ghastly governments with lamentable human rights records. He discovers the tricks the trade uses to circumvent all the official paperwork, and the amazing extent to which the government are aware of this - but do not prevent it.

Just as depressing is the fact that posing as a go-between for a dodgy government, he was offered torture equipment at a highly regulated London arms show.

Mark Thomas (OK, let's be realistic and call him Mark "effin" Thomas) will appall the only-slightly-sensitive with his repeated volley's of expletives which he hurls at the reader; however he will shock the genuinely sensitive reader with his revelations of the money-making barbarity in which our country is involved. Then read his chapter on the 'export credit guarantee department', the mechanism through which our taxes pay for much of this; and get very very angry.

www.howtobeanarmsdealer.com

Nice Present

Thanks Dad!

Don't Stand in Silence

There is more persecution of Christians, both in scale and severity, than ever before. Wherever Christians are a minority and present a alternative to ideologies like Communism, religions like militant Islam, or corruption such as drug trafficking they suffer.

The "Don't Stand in Silence" roadshow is visiting eight UK cities shortly, highlighting the plight of the persecuted church and helping Christians here to pray and campaign effectively on their behalf. The speakers at the events will be both UK campaigners and exiled church leaders from other parts of the world.

Full details of the events are here http://www.dontstandinsilence.info/Roadshows.htm

Don’t Stand in Silence is a campaign run by Christian Solidarity Worldwide (CSW), a human rights organisation which specialises in religious freedom, works on behalf of those persecuted for their Christian beliefs and promotes religious liberty for all.

Monday

Smoke in the hills this morning.

Book Notes: The Sorrow of War by Bao Ninh

This book is a very moving, profoundly disturbing and brilliantly written story.

Bao Ninh's story is billed as the first Vietnam War novel, published in the west, from the North Vietnamese perspective. However - this is to misrepresent the book as it leads the reader to anticipate that the authors purpose would be to castigate the decadent capitalist pig-dogs and their colonialist aggression and to honour the valiant workers of the North. This is not the case at all.

In fact the book is a solemn lament over the suffering caused by war. Although the main character (a thinly disguised autobiographical figure it seems) survives the conflict; his mind, his youth, his love and his family are all ripped apart.

The narrative repeatedly cuts between idyllic scenes of pre-war youth, post-war body recovery work, the horrors of conflict and the post-war turmoil in which the battered survivors struggle to piece together a meaningful existence in the conflict's wake.

This book is as appalling as it is beautiful, evocative as it is poignant. The obvious point about the awful futility and tragedy of war needs to be made repeatedly, imaginatively and powerfully today. Here it is.

I-Spy

Has anyone seen my glasses?

Over in N. Ireland last week we were introduced to the joys of Sea Kayaking by the family. It appears to have gained the status of being their current activity of choice (although their critics might say obsession). Their many adventures in the field are well documented here.

Needless to say, we had to have a go, and it's brilliant. Just when you think you are really getting the hang of it, a larger, stronger or just different type of wave springs up to capsize boat, person and ego with equal vigour. I emerged from one such glorious inversion of base and apex, laughingly grabbing the boat and paddle - only to realise that I was without glasses! Much searching and hoping didn't reveal said spectacles which to this day lie somewhere off Castlerock beach, as elusive as the proverbial needle in haystack.

In a state of much blurredness I managed to get through the next couple of days by borrowing the wife's glasses (not my prescription) and a very old pair of my glasses. When I finally got the opticians he took great delight in asking me if the things I was wearing on my nose merely assisted my vision or also were useful for viewing Sky televsion. sadly they did neither very well.

Sadly no pictures of me capsizing were taken that day. This is more than made up for by the fact that several of the wife were. Enjoy.

PS If you see any glasses on Catlerock beach......

Spot the Dolphin

At Broughty Ferry near Dundee, yesterday the wife started pointing at the water in a most excitable manner. Her attention had been caught by several dolphins swimming just off the shore, rolling, jumping and splashing in the Tay Estuary. Their attention was caught by the ship in the photo which they then followed out to sea. Simon managed to catch one with the camera.

Ten Years

That Hideous Man and his Mrs Hideous, are celebrating ten hideous years of marriage!

Morning!

Kids Fun

Today, Boris, Norris, Doris and I had a great day out on the Strathspey Railway. With bright sunshine, fantastic views of the Cairngorms, a nice old train with really friendly crew, the kids had a ball. There are great walks from Boat of Garten, and although Aviemore is a dump, the train is soon underway, back up the line to such pleasanter places.

Having travelled on about 10 or so of the preserved lines in the UK (which is a a little sad I realise) I'd rate this one as amongst the best. It might not have twenty gleaming mainline engines to show off, but it has the Cairngorms and the friendliest staff.

Boris and Norris love standing on the bridges while the engines go underneath, getting absolutely covered in smoke and soot.

The Curse of Bodger Derek

Bodger Derek is like the wind. We cannot see Bodger Derek, but we can see the effects of Bodger Derek everywhere we look, hence we know of his existence.

Who is the former occupant of this house who has gone through the place like a whirlwind, inflicting hamfisted botched DIY jobs in every room? Step forward Bodger Derek! Let's consider the evidence.

*A patio cleverly designed to channel rainwater through the underfloor vents (a D'Oh rating of 9)

*A patio built too high for the damp proof course to cope with. (a D'Oh rating of 9)

*Botched electrical work (D'Oh 7)

*Botched plastering (D'Oh 6)

*Covering up an inability to edge wallpaper neatly by staplegunning lengths of braid to the borders. (D'Oh 5)

* Filling in the 'air-gap' between the path and the stone wall of the house to create a bridge for damp (see photo of my excavations) (D'Oh 9)

A word of advice. Next time you are buying a house, get your solicitor to search and make sure that it has not inherited the curse of Bodger Derek.

Monday Comes Around So Soon

Doris Joins the Monkeys

While Boris and Norris' mischevious monkeyesque behaviour has been well documented here over the last few months - today little Doris has joined in the fun. In the picture you can see her hand after she had just excavated the contents of our gas 'living flame' fire, gravel, fake coals etc. Her face and clothes were equally sooty and disgusting.

I need to find the person who told me, "the jump from two to three children is easy - you'll barely notice the difference" and give them the long overdue slap they so richly deserve.

Monday Morning Again

Who Woke Me Up At 6:45 On Sunday Morning

I'd never realised how noisy a hot-air balloon is, until this thing fired it burners repeatedly outside my house - very early on Sunday morning! There was just time to grab my new camera before it sailed away eastwards.

Holiday Highs & Holiday Lows

Thathideousfamily have once again been on our summer holidays. This year however, we stayed in the UK and avoided the delights of budget airlines, dubious provincial airports, psychopathic car-hire attendants, sunburn and dehydration; and instead braved the delights of good old Blighty. It had several highs and lows.

Holiday High: The Factor's House at Carie

The wife discovered this place online, and its probably the best holiday cottage we have ever hired. Although the house is a bit smaller than it looked on the online photos, it was a fantastic little place - equipped with every comfort you could ever ask for. The kids loved playing in the burn, in the huge gardens, and down at the shore of Loch Rannoch. The owners of the estate live in the main house several hundred yards from the cottage we had and they couldn't have been more friendly, helpful or unobtrusive if they had tried! We'll definitely be back.

Holiday High: Loch Ossian

We had a wonderful half-day walk along the shores of Loch Ossian, in the bleak centre of Rannoch Moor, only accessible by train. We left the railway at Corrour halt, and walked the well-made track to Loch Ossian and ate our lunch by the youth hostel there. The views the length of the loch, over its tree covered island, to distant Ben Alder were just stunning. The YHA warden lives out on the moor all year round and says he loves it. Still, it must be a little bleak in February. Sadly our enjoyment of this wonderful place was cut short by the railway timetable (there is no afternoon southerly train) and we had to catch the luncthime train or wait until the evening. We went back there again later in the week to climb Beinn na Lap - and I can't wait to go back there again.

Holiday Low: Midgies

The Scottish midgie is undoubtedly the foulest creature on earth. At Rannoch this year there was little wind, and following a mild winter the midgies hung aourd us in clouds. Although the Carie estate had bought lots of the new midgie-eating machines, they were no match for this ghastly plague. I react to their bites, and despite taking every repellant and treatment available was covered in itchy irritated red lumps. There were so many in the house that we were hoovering them up in piles from the window ledges.

Holiday High: The West Highland Railway

We caught several trains out accross Rannoch Moor, on the West Highland Railway. It well-deserves it reputation as Britains most spectacular railway line, as it winds it way high accross the Moors, between Mountains, and through snow tunnels. The constantly changing scenery is breathtaking and beautiful, and from the train you can see far more that from the car. This isn't just because this line goes nowhere near any public road for a large section of its length, from Orchy to Tulloch; but also because catching the train relieves me of driving duties and enables me to enjoy the views. The only flaw on this railway line is the infuriatingly few number of trains which run each day. The Mallaig-Fort William train which should continue to Glasgow as an afternoon service terminates there, even in peak tourist season. The best train to catch up the line though, is the morning sleeper. We got on this at about 8:30 at Rannoch, and went round to Fort William. Its a bigger, smoother, quieter, more comfortable ride than the usual chuggy-Scotrail effort, with large windows to enjoy the views. Boris and Norris were delighted when we got to Fort William, just in time to see the "Harry Potter Train" in full steam - about to take an excursion to Mallaig.

Holiday High: Old Friends

The other great thing about not going abroad this year was that we had time to visit some old friends. Last week it was the turn of the legendary 'Solihull Five' upon whom we unceremoniously imposed ourselves for a few days of merry mayhem. Sometime in the early 1600s, John Seldon said, "Old friends are best. King James used to call for his old shoes; they were the easiest for his feet". This is certainly true in the case of the artist formerly known as Pogdalot, his charming McWife and their vast army of lovely little girls. Together their conversation is quirky and fascinating, their laughter infectious, their home welcoming and their eccenticities always endearing.

Holiday Low: The M6

The worst thing about living in Scotland is that so many people and things are at the other end of the M6! The M6 is Britain's foulest motorway. Apart from a brief respite through the Lake district and the occasional train screaming past, this road is mostly tree-lined and interminably dull. It is overcongested, far too long and its service stations ghastly souless holes into which no sane person should ever venture.

Driving down the M6 last week I thought something was odd. We were driving to our holiday, but the M6 wasn't covered in roadworks. Usually as soon as the holiday season arrives the powers-that-be make the road as impassable as possible, with billions of cones, queue's, contraflows, hold-ups and irritation. Why not this year, I wondered? Then it dawned on me, it was only the Scottish school holidays, they must be waiting until the English schools are off as well, before digging up the only motorway connecting the North and South!

Holiday High: Hadrian's Wall

On the way back Northwards we came off the aforementioned motorway at Carlisle and went to see Hadrian's wall. we drobe accross and inspected the wall and Birdoswald Fort and museum. Boris was very interested, Norris tried to be interested but was undermined by his attention span, while Doris was just happy to be out of her car seat!

The wall was built to keep the troublesome Scots out of the Roman Empire, and was the empire's North Western boundary for 300 years. Apparently the Roman's conquered Scotland but had to withdraw their troops in order to defend themselves from Barbarians invading accross the Danube. They pulled back to the border and fortified it, making England and Scotland the two distinct entities they are today. Just think, if it wasn't for the Barbarian incursion accross the Danube, we wouldn't have Alex Samond!

Holiday Low: The Great Blair Drummond Rip-Off Park!

If you like being ripped-off, you'll love Blair Drummond safari park! We were a little shocked when we saw the entry prices to Blair Drummond, but having told the kids, and driven a long way, we took a deep breath and went in. At least, we assumed, the high entry fee would cover all the activities in the park. Well, anywhere else in the world it would - but not Blair Drummond!

The sea lion show was OK - but extremely short, the animals to admire all fine, the safari drive again no problem. However, right in the centre of it all are huge, brightly coloured rides and attractions, all of which besotted the kids - and all of which cost a lot of money. Dragging the kids away from these to see animals was of course, a struggle but we managed it and they were quite taken with the large bears. Thoughtfully Blair Drummond had mounted telescopes in the viewing areas to make sure that you could see the creatures even when they were far away. However, guess what, the telescopes only operate for a few minutes at a time with the insertion of all your remaining change. The whole place is a giant money-extraction machine, even to the extent that a map to find your way around the place costs several quid.

And to think we gave up a bright sunny day in the mountains (which are better, and free!) for this! Never again.

Holiday High: Great Big God III

Great Big God III is the kids worship CD from the UK branch of the Vinyard churches. Boris and Norris absolutely love this CD, and it gets played to death in our car and at home.

I'll be completely honest, I do have one or two reservations about this CD, but I have put these aside for very good reasons.

GBG3 is musically very strong, and although there are a couple of ropey vocals, the standard of songwriting and playing is superb throughout. The kids singing with the adults are unusually good, the lyrics exceptionally clear and the songs without exception singeable and accessible. My kids just love the sound of this album, and sing its songs all day, without any persuasion!

Why then, the reservation? Well, I think there is at least one theological howler, some clumsy lyrics and Iwould love to be able to re-balance some of the emphasies in the songs! The greatest fault in the English tongue is the fact that 'great' rhymes with 'mate', God is definitely the former, but not the latter; perhaps the obvious rhyme was just too tempting and it spoils an otherwise superb song. The constant message that the cross shows us God's love is excellent, I would just love them once in a while to go beyond that and tell the kids that the cross does more than that, it actually achieves our salvation too! I also was a bit shocked by some of the anthropomorphisms used about God, which initially struck me as irreverent.

Having said that, I am delighted that my kids are singing that the cross shows God's love. After all, his love caused the cross, and demands a response of love from me. Love is the basis of everything that happened at Calvary, and this is a good place for kids to start learning about it - they have the rest of their lives to grow into understanding more about what the cross actually acomplishes, rather than just demonstrates. As for the childish anthropomorphisms, I have had to think again. In the Bible, God frequently uses this type of condescension to communicate Himself to me, why then should he not to a child? If I think I am closer to God's stature than to that of a child I am enormously wrong! In fact, against the scale of God, I am barley bigger than a child, and if God will allow Himself to be described in adult language, then the descent to child-language is barely perceptible.

As a Christian parent I rejoice to hear my kids singing things like, "I want to be like Jesus" - exactly the kinds of values and aspirations I long to instill in them. It's good to hear them sing "I will praise you" a song which worships God in good and bad times alike, in open defiance of the prosperity error so many of the charismatics flirted with in the 1980s. I love hearing my kids singing the Palm sunday song, "Hosanna", and am moved to hear them singing a Psalm-like song in which a child brings her pain to God. I have also wondered what our neighbours have thought when their kids have gone home from our house happily singing, "My God Never Goes to Sleep"!

It's great to hear such great creativity, and musical talent, being harnessed and used for the Glory of God. My kids love this music, sing this music and talk to us about what it means. My reservations are not all wrong, but we can't deny we've been blessed by this terrific little album!