Cosmetic Surgery

It may come as a shock to you to know that 'thathideousman' has just undergone some gruelling cosmetic surgery. It has certainly come as a shock to me, and I am the victim of the minor-surgeon's knife.

The wife, (part-time GP, part-time minor surgeon) has, so it appears, become increasingly disgusted at my appearance. What once caused minimal revulsion now causes significant repulsion. So, approaching me with needles, tweezers and scalples at the ready, she set to work upon my disfugurements. Allegedly I had several growths on my skin which needed to be removed.

I am delighted to report that the op was a complete success. However, we did encounter one major obstacle during the course of the surgery. The surgery may have been classed as 'minor', but my stress levels were 'major'. It wasn't the thought of the scalpel coming at me - that was fine. It was more the sight of the wife's evil grin as she approached me with a syringle bursting full of who knows what? As the needle went in, and she said "you won't feel a thing" I expected it to be followed with the chilling words, "ever again....." accompanied by maniacal laughter.

Needleless to say, she had no such devilish schemes afoot, and I emerged minus growths, almost 0.2g lighter than I had begun the evening. I am now requiring a re-branding as the 'marginally less hideous man'. However, given the time and effort spent, the mirror reveals that I am a walking example of the law of diminishing marginal hideousity.

The suggestion has then been raised that the good Mrs Dr, could perform another, more sensitive operation upon my good self. The suggested proceedure has been billed less in terms of aesthetics and more in terms of demographics. However, if you think that I am going to let her anywhere near there with a scalpel - think again. Having bourne three children, the balance of reproductive pain felt in our marriage is still firmly tilted against me. The oportunity to even the score might just be too much for her to resist.

'slightlylesshideousthaniwasman'