This post contains an offensive word.....

I was on the phone today, dealing with someone representing a major company who were working on a crime-prevention scheme with government funding. We had to run through the usual stuff about the house, and who owned it etc. The conversation was routine until I said that I co-owned the house with my wife. "Well, I'll put partner, then" said the person on the phone. Why not just put "wife" like I said, I asked. The answer amazed and disturbed me...

"Well, we're not allowed to use the terms 'husband and wife' anymore, because they are offensive", she stated. "Offensive to who?" I asked. Clearly flustered she said that the terms were not politically correct and that they had been told they must only use the term 'partner' in order to comply with government legislation! I asked what would happen if someone found the term 'partner' offensive? The reply I got was that this happens all the time, especially with older people who are very unhappy at being referred to as partners, not spouses. However, she said - these people had to be offended in order to comply with government directives on avoiding offensiveness!

Now I am going to be offensive. Mrs H is not my partner (civil or otherwise), my bidie-in, my flat-mate, or any other such arrangement, she's my wife! When I say 'wife' I don't mean in some neanderthal sense that I view her as an object in my ownership any more so than she does when she calls me her 'husband'. Nevertheless, the terms remain an accurate description of our relationship and our commitment to it. So, I have used an offensive word: wife. I trust you are horrified, angered, and massively offended.