TMC completed again

Last night we got to the end of another Marriage Course in Perth. Once again we ran a 'micro-course' in our house (rather than a large-scale one in a church hall or hotel etc) and as ever used the DVDs for all the 'talky bits', leaving us free to worry about catering and trying to make everyone feel at ease.

I always reach the end of a course with mixed emotions. In some places, the couples who come have dinner together in private, which facilitates time to talk and relax. For logistical reasons that's not possible here, so although we share a meal we all eat together before watching the DVD and splitting up into couples for times of private discussion. That means that over the seven weeks of the course we get to know everyone quite well - and look forward to seeing them all each week and blethering over dinner. In comparison, next Thursday will seem rather dull! On the other hand, reaching the end of the course will mean that we get a rest from all the work of running it! Mrs Hideous has to start work very early on Friday mornings, so part of my contribution to the whole thing is to clear up after the event. While filling the dishwasher in the early hours this morning, while the house slept around me; I experienced this conflict of both looking forward to being asleep and also being really privileged to be able to be a part of this work.

Being involved in the Marriage Course is the end result of something that we experienced many years ago. Some friends of ours were having trouble in their marriage - which we observed from a fairly close distance. At almost exactly the same time, with one young son, and both of us working full-time and being involved with church too; we were aware that while we were not in a crisis, our marriage had elements within it that could have caused problems in the longer term- if not addressed. It was precisely at this time that we went to a Care for the Family day-long marriage seminar, held in our church centre. That day marked a turning point for us in two ways. Firstly a session entitled, "active listening" by a couple called Pete and Barbie Reynolds transformed our ability to communicate (er, actually to be more honest it confronted my almost total inability to listen without interrupting!). Secondly it marked the day on which we changed from the mindset of bumbling along assuming that all would be well because we were in love - to consciously trying to work on our marriage as a labour of love. Our friends subsequently endured a very painful separation and divorce.

Over the following few years we became aware that in 'the church' (broadly, not just our fellowship) we 'do' an awful lot of weddings. We also tend 'do' a huge amount of talking about the value and importance of marriage. Neither of these things is to be decried. What we felt we also needed to be doing was helping support actual marriages, rather than just talking about marriage in general and leaving people to get on with it. When HTB published their 'Marriage Course' we did a test-run to see if it would be worth running in our church. One of the first things we noticed was that the techniques for 'active listening' that we had found so helpful years ago, were included - along with many other helpful things we hadn't considered. We also found the structure of the course really helpful. For instance, we had for more than five years identified that the top need for our relationship was to spend more time together. When we kept this as a general principal we were completely indisciplined about it and we'd end up going weeks or months without ever having time for us. The Marriage Course emphasises weekly 'Marriage Time' as a priority - and booking this well in advance so that it takes precedence over many worthy (but less critical) activities. It was through the structure and discipline of doing the course that we finally seem to have got that right. Ironically, the greatest threat to our 'marriage time' these days seems to be the pressure of hosting the Marriage Course!

Last night we also said farewell to the old Marriage Course DVD set which we have used over the last few years. The authors of the course thought that the old format was looking a bit tired (and we were all fed up with the cheesy theme-music!) and so they have completely re-filmed all the talks - and the new marriage course material should be available soon. We've seen a sample of the material, a 5minute promo - and if the whole course is as good as that it should be even better to use.

The Marriage Course is being run in thousands of venues all over the world. To find a course near you click here: " Find a Course".